If You Get There Soon Enough
by heylookitsduda
Summary: A little one-shot in which Ward chooses to tell the truth when he reaches the Playground.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own ABC's Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. or any of their characters. _Wouldn't it be super cool if I did though?_

"You wanted to talk to me son?" Coulson asked, sitting behind his desk. The young agent sitting before him looked like hell, and it had nothing to do with the cuts and bruises all over his face. It really wasn't the best time to be sitting on the Bus, but Ward had requested a private audience, and this was the safest place he knew. Well... if you didn't count May's bugs, that is. But it he wasn't thinking about that now. Ward seemed completely hell bent on talking to him and completely broken about having to do it, and Coulson just knew that whatever he was about to hear would change everything - as if things hadn't changed enough as it was.

Ward sat across from Coulson with his head down. He took a deep breath, steadying himself for what was about to come. When he allowed Garret to beat him up before leaving to rendezvous with Coulson's team, he had been determined to follow through with his old mentor's plans. He owed Garrett everything. When he came to him in juvie and offered him a way out, Garrett had given him life. Garrett made him strong, he gave him purpose. Whatever the means, Ward couldn't deny that everything he had, everything he was, was due to him.

When Ward joined Coulson's team on Garrett's orders, he had been sure he was in for an easy op. He never anticipated creating real bonds with his colleagues. He never expected to work with people who truly cared. If he was honest with himself, he never really knew what real caring looked like. Day after day, with each mission they tackled together, he got closer and closer to his team. The bond he formed with them had been real, and he only hoped that it wouldn't be enough to sidetrack him.

When Skye was shot, it nearly killed him. Through the desperation, he felt full force the truth of Garrett's motto - attachments were weaknesses. When she pulled through, he swore to himself that he would not go through that again. He told himself that he would rather kill them all with his own hands than to feel that helpless ever again. And because Garrett was near him, he believed it. He convinced himself he that he could do it. Until he was alone with them again, that is.

From the moment he entered the Playground, they were all over him. The whole team had been waiting for him, filled with concern. The younger members of the team could hardly contain themselves, effusive in their horror as well as their happiness. It took Simmons all of five seconds before she ushered him to the lab and started caring for his wounds. Skye and Fitz were right behind them, asking a million questions per second, all the while simply meaning that they were relieved to have him back with them.

Agents Coulson and May also followed, and while their expressions of concern and joy were much more subdued than the others', he knew. They stood in the background watching, like the proud parents of this severely dysfunctional family. Sitting there, among his teammates, his friends, after killing Garrett and spending time with him, he finally understood. These people loved him. Really, truly, loved him. Even though he had kept up all sorts of walls, even though he never once asked for it, they still loved him. These people, these wonderful, crazy people, would do anything for him. They would die for him. They would cry for him. They would stand by him. This was something he never knew, and now he was about to throw it all back on their faces.

Garrett was, of course, right. Love was weakness. But all of these incredible people were willing to be weak. For him. What kind of a man was he if he could not do the same for them? He killed Hand for Garrett. He helped him take the Sandbox. He freed him. That was it. It was enough. His debt was paid. He couldn't lie for him anymore, Not to them. It was then that he decided, once and for all, that he would come clean. He would tell the truth and handle whatever the consequences. He would lose them - that much he knew. He betrayed them, and he deserved no less. But he would spend his life trying to right his wrongs.

"Yes sir," he finally answered. "I have a lot to tell you, and you are not going to like it".

"Just tell me Ward, and then we'll deal with it," Coulson replied, looking into the young agent's eyes. _No,_ he thought to himself. _I'm not going to like this._

"I have no right to ask you this sir, but will you let me talk without interruption?" Ward asked. "I don't think I can go through with the whole story if I have to stop."

"I will listen," Coulson simply replied.

Ward took a deep breath to steady himself for what was about to come.

"I have been working for Garrett - for HYDRA - all along. I joined your team under his instructions. You and the team have been nothing but kind to me and I have betrayed your trust at every turn. I am done with lying though, and I will tell you the whole story."  
>The look of shock on Coulson's face was almost too much for Ward to bear. Had he seen only anger on the older agent's face, it wouldn't have bothered him as much. Anger was something he could deal with. But there was hurt on Coulson's face, real pain, and he didn't know what to do with that. You could only hurt someone if they cared, and Coulson clearly did. He thought about the rest of the members of his team and he just knew that seeing that look on their faces as well would be the end of him. Not that he didn't deserve it, for he knew he did, but he still feared it.<p>

There was no explaining Coulson's mind after Ward's revelation. To say that he felt betrayed, angry or hurt would not be nearly enough. It took every ounce of his self-restraint not to start screaming right then and there. Still, true to his word, Coulson remained quiet, and with a nearly imperceptible nod, motioned for him to continue.

Ward took a deep breath, and started telling his story from the very beginning. He bared his soul to Coulson, knowing the older agent deserved no less. The more he spoke of his past, the more apparent the difference between Garrett and Coulson became to him.

Even more, the more apparent became the difference between him and his team. He was damaged - a monster. He did not deserve these people. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make up for all that he had done, to wipe his ledger clean, and still he knew it would never be enough.

When Ward finished his story, he hung his head, waiting for Coulson to start yelling. Or maybe for him to shoot him. He really couldn't blame him if he did. He expected pretty much anything from the older agent. Well nearly anything. For he sure as hell didn't expect was to feel Coulson's hand on his shoulder.

Coulson's head was reeling. When Ward had started his story, he had been more than willing to toss him in a cell for the rest of his sorry life - if he could bring himself to let the younger agent out of his office alive, that is. But the more he heard about the boy's actually extremely sorry life, the more he began to understand. Garrett had preyed on him on a very vulnerable time, and abused him ever since. He felt sick that something like that could have happened right within SHIELD and no one had seen it. Then again, that was exactly how they got into this whole situation to begin with, wasn't it? The question now was, could he trust Ward? His old self, before death and T.A.H.I.T.I. and the bus, wouldn't even consider it. But he wasn't that man anymore, he knew that. Was that a good thing?

"Why?" He settled for asking.

Ward looked up, confusion stamped on his face. "Why?" he repeated. Hadn't he just explained this?

"Why tell me, now of all times?" Coulson clarified.

_Oh_. Ward met Coulson's eyes for the first time since he entered his office, what seemed like an eternity ago.

"Simmons put a Band-Aid on my forehead," he brought his hand up to touch it. "A damn Band-Aid".

"There was a cut on your forehead," Coulson replied, somewhat confused.

"That's not the point, though," Ward shook his head. "She worried. All of you did. And not just about the mission and whether I did what I was supposed to do. You worried about me. About my safety. I come back saying I screwed up, that Garrett was free, and still, for a moment, you were all just happy that I was back. That I was alive," he breathed.

"You're part of our family Ward. Of course we were happy," Coulson smiled sadly.

Ward hung his head again.

"I don't know what to do with you Ward," Coulson sighed. "How can I trust you?"

"You can't sir," he responded sadly. "I have given you no reason to. But once you said that could save someone from themselves if you got there soon enough. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life proving you right".


End file.
